Kiss Me, I Think I’m Irish

Tasteful Toasts for Irish FolksLast year Ireland’s population was 6.4 million and 42 million United States residents claim Irish ancestry (thank you Wikipedia). In the big scheme of things, I suspect I’m about 2% Irish affording me a peck on the cheek and at least one green beer this St. Patrick’s Day.

While there are hundreds of Irish toasts to raise your mug to, my years of patrolling pubs revealed rainbows of tall tales and a pot leprechaun limericks, riddles and jokes. Below are some choice clean green comedy to share that might get you a free pint from a Shamus:

 

Irish Toasts

May the roof above us never fall in,

and may we friends beneath it never fall out.

 


You’re my best friend and like a four leaf clover:

hard to find and lucky to have.

 


May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light,

May good luck pursue you each morning and night.

 

Leprechaun Limericks

There once was a young man named Sean,

 Whose wish came from a sly leprechaun,

 To be surrounded by dough,

 Was what he wanted, so,

 In six months he was born as a fawn.


 

There once was on leprechaun

Who lived in a stump on my lawn

He had hoarded much gold

Hidden safely, I’m told

For he feared that someday it’d be gone

 

Irish Proverbs

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures.

 


Your feet will take you where you heart is

 


What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.

 


You’ll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind.

 


You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.

 

Irish Jokes

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery.

The jury foreman came out and announced, “Not guilty.”

 “Oh my!” shouted Reilly. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?”

 


Two Irishmen were getting ready to go on a camping trip.

First one said, “I’m taking a gallon of whiskey just in case of rattlesnake bites. What are you taking?”

“Rattlesnakes.”


 

An Englishman walks into a pub and says, “I’ve got some great Irish jokes.”

“Before you start,” said the big bloke in the corner, “You need to know I’m Irish.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell them slowly.

 


An Irishman was flustered not being able to find a parking space in a large mall’s parking lot, “Lord,” he prayed,” I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday.” Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man said, “Never mind, I found one.”

 


“How far is it to the next village?” asked the American tourist.

“It’s about seven miles,” guessed the leprechaun, “But it’s only five if you run!”

 

 


Bonus:

You can download and print this two-side sheet of Tomfoolery (pdf 691 kb) to aide your memory.

 

Your Turn: What’s your favorite Irish toast, leprechaun limerick, riddle or joke?  

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